Never wanting to get ahead of myself I refuse to celebrate until I have total victory, but I was feeling pretty happy and strong and determined that I could PR my clean today. What better way to say Fuck Cancer than to PR a lift?! 200# here I come!
Or not. It didn't happen today and not for lack of trying that's for sure. With each failed attempt I got more frustrated but in the back of my mind I just kept thinking how blessed I was. Blessed to be strong enough to be attempting 200#, probably 10+ times. I didn't get it today and that sucks because I know I will be getting a port in the next week or so and will be fairly restricted, for sure from catching 200# in the front rack, AKA where the port will be, position. But you know what? I'm strong enough to be attempting it and for that I am so thankful. I'm not wasting away in cancer land, I am thriving and surviving and winning. I'm mentally strong enough to push myself, to beat cancer and throw some big weights around while I do it.
We have also entered hair watch 2014. Now that I am done with the Taxol my hair should start growing back. I've been told by a good friend that I have entered the phase where I have enough hair that people look at me and question why I shaved my head and possibly want to fight me because I look angry and aggressive with a shaved head. I'll take it! Sure, I have a few bald spots but I have a soft fuzzy head of hair growing in (says another friend as she pets me). I also have teeny tiny eyelashes and eyebrows coming in. So Hair Watch 2014 here we are! I can't tell you how excited I am to have eyebrows and eyelashes and hair. You really take for granted all these things until one day you wake up and you look like a cancer patient. Or when allergy season starts and you are effected for the first time because you don't have eyelashes or nose hairs to filter out all the allergens.
This next phase of treatment may very well be more challenging than the first but as always I have More Than Hope and hair regrowth and faith and family and friends who are fighting alongside me. And strength. I'm pretty damn strong for a cancer patient.
