On Perspective

My perspective isn't right, isn't for everyone, isn't better than yours.  It's my perspective.  It has changed and evolved more in the past 6 months in a way most will never know.  And it's so simple.  At the end of the day I just want to be a mom to my son, a wife to my husband, a daughter to my parents, a sister, a friend.  I want to bring more joy and happiness than I take, I want to give more than I receive.  And I want to grow old in these ways, very old.  Everything else is secondary.  

As I continue to grow in my faith and religion I find myself at an interesting and difficult juncture.  I am faithful, I believe.  However I can't just openly trust in God's will because what if his will isn't for me to beat this.  I don't know His will for me, His plan for me and I'm not willing to accept anything less than me beating this.  So therein lies the challenge.  I voiced this struggle at church this past week and a good friend simply stated to me that we still have some power to influence our outcome.  We have some control.  And as a control freak, that was just what I needed to hear.  Cancer seeks to take control away.  And I think some let it.  I won't.  When I pray I pray for strength and grace and endurance.  To beat this, not to live with it, but to beat it.

On Memorial Day, 30 minutes in to a grueling workout named Murph, to honor the sacrifice of both one and many, I found myself in this exact same spot of blind faith and control.  Of accepting my circumstances and fighting to change them.  Laying face down on the floor, resting between push ups, the tears starting flowing.  Body shaking, ugly face crying tears.  Not because I couldn't do the workout, couldn't finish it, but because I could and I would.  Because in that very moment I felt this overwhelming, clear as day thought wash over me.  If I can do this I won't die from cancer.  If I can run 1 mile, do 100 pullups, 200 push-ups and 300 squats, then run another mile AFTER starting back on chemo and radiation then I will also beat cancer. 

As I laid there in a pool of my own sweat, after having asked a dear friend if my eyebrows were running, crying, I heard one thing: Come on Brit, you can do this.  So I did.  

Everyday Warrior - No One Fights Alone

The battle of life, is, in most cases, fought uphill; and to win it without a struggle were perhaps to win it without honor.  If there were no difficulties there would be no success; if there were nothing to struggle for, there would be nothing to be achieved - Samuel Smiles

Oh the struggles I, no we, have encountered in the past 5 1/2 months.  They are numerous, exhausting and oddly motivating.  I didn't know I was a warrior.  I had no idea how strong I was, I am, until all of this cancer talk started.  I was just an everyday person.  Raise my son, go to work, love my husband, take care of household chores, have some fun.  Everyday person.  5 1/2 months ago I found my inner warrior and I haven't looked back.  I'm a bad patient, an awful patient.  I don't believe I am limited by anything more than my mind, and sometimes post surgical instructions.  I don't always kick ass, but I kick ass on more days than days I don't kick ass.  At least that's my opinion of myself right now.  I have been blessed with an amazing support system through all of this which enables me to fight with everything I have to beat cancer.  It is this support system, and this warrior mentality, that has been an ever present theme in every struggle, every blow of bad news, every frustrating call to insurance companies and doctors offices.  It is what I hope to inspire in others.  The warrior spirit.

Matt and I began talking about starting a non-profit almost as soon as I was diagnosed.  It was something we had brought up over the past few years but never really had a clear direction, a clear cause and so it was nothing more than someday talks.  Once I was diagnosed, it became clear that the focus would be cancer.  The statistics of cancer diagnosis in America are staggering and now that I part of the cancer crowd, we had our insider.  However, we still didn't have a clear idea of what we wanted to do, or when.  That was until I found out that as of May 16th I will no longer have a job.  No ill feelings towards my company, they have been great, but I am still losing my job because of my diagnosis.  Our cause, our mission became crystal clear.  We wanted to be able to help financially support individuals fighting cancer so that they could focus on healing instead of financial burdens.  Everyday Warrior (Everyday-Warrior.org) was born from this last struggle of losing my job.  Sometimes struggles are motivating!

Everyday Warrior is a non-profit organization whose mission is to financially support, inspire and empower individuals who have been diagnosed with cancer, the Everyday Warriors among us.  We are in the beginning phases of planning for a large fundraising event that will take place this fall (sign up on our website to be notified when the new site is up and running!).  We are beyond excited to be moving forward on what will be a most amazing experience.  It is my personal experience that mental fortitude and the warrior spirit are paramount in the fight to beat cancer and if we can inspire just one person to find their inner warrior then I will call this a success.  If we can help just one person with the financial struggles that accompany any good cancer fight, then Everyday Warrior will be a success. 

Everyday Warrior - No One Fights Alone