Finding strength and courage

I watched my hair come out in massive quantities for a week.  According to my friends, and the trash can, I have way more hair than the average person. So come Friday night while I was complaining about my thin hair, they were making me laugh as my hair was now the same thickness as theirs.

The thinning hair wasn't the worst part though.  My scalp was so painful, at all times it felt as though I had my hair pulled back really tight and had just let it down.  Any girl who has ever had their hair done up fancy for a dance or wedding or whatver knows the feeling.  Mine felt like that even when it wasn't pulled back. It kept getting worse.  Friday night I was in pain, had discovered my bald spots were now connecting to one another and at 12:30am told Matt I thought I was finally ready.  I'm not surprised at how supportive he was because that's the kind of husband he is, but I am so thankful at his ability to make me laugh as he cut, shaped, styled and eventually buzzed all of my hair.  His loving comments, humor and sneak attack first cut helped me find the courage to be okay with the whole thing. There is no time to be sad when your husband sneak attacks you and cuts a big chunk of your hair off while you are sending a text message. I just had to move forward and laugh!  We documented the process and I laugh every time I see the pictures:

His first cut just so happened to give me a mullet

He took his job very seriously...too seriously!

He found his true calling. Angry hairstylist!

Mohawk!

Final product!

All week I worried about this moment. To me shaving my head wasn't me taking control, it was cancer becoming outwardly visible. It was the beginning of looking sick.  However, during our hair cutting session Matt helped me find strength and courage.  He will likely never understand just how much he helped me that night.  When all was said and done I felt beautiful in a very strange, newly bald way. But he helped me get there and it will be a memory we share that most married couples will never be able to.  While I have no doubts this year will be a year that tests our marriage in ways I can't even comprehend right now, it will also be a year in which we help each other find strength in moments of weakness and courage in moments of fear.  I know he will be there for me when I need him most and I just hope I can do the same for him.