I'm trying not to overwhelm everyone's Facebook feed with updates about cancer so held off on any updates in an attempt to summarize my day. It's amazing how much life changes in a day.
In 8th grade I created a Me book (anyone from Crossler Middle School likely remembers this). It was a book showing our writing skills, documenting who we were then and who we wanted to be. I had a very specific timeline as to when I would win my first, and second (and probably more) gold medal at the Olympics for the 400m dash. Unfortunately my racing skills peaked in 8th grade.
I planned on playing for the Women's World Cup team, however after highschool I no longer played anything more than intramural or indoor soccer. However at the time I remember having such a random plan that when I became an amazing athlete I would shave my head. No one would make fun of me because I would be such an amazing athlete that it would just be my thing. Maybe this was because I had so much hair, crazy, big hair, that I didn't really know what to do with back then. Maybe it was because deep down I knew at some point my badassness would be tested. I don't know. I also thought I would end up discovering a new species of shark. Turns out, I'm terrified of the ocean and am probably one of the WORST snorkeling partners a person could have, just ask Matt.
Point is, I had NO idea where my life would take me. I had no idea I would marry such a wonderful, caring, strong, passionate man, and not so early on (I figured I may just live the single life as a rich woman living in the big city). Kids were not even on the radar. I honestly didn't know I wanted kids until I married Matt. I didn't know I wanted more than one kid until I fell so deeply in love with Liam.
I certainly had no idea I would be diagnosed with cancer. An aggressive, rare form of cancer that is threatening my life. No idea that Liam would be my only biological child because of the treatment that WILL save my life. And no idea that I would lose my hair. Yupp, see today's turn of events revealed the news that my treatment plan has been changed and I will indeed lose my hair. Probably not what I should be focused on right now, but I am. I don't think it’s the loss as much as the duration. I face more than 8 rounds of treatment. I actually don't have an estimated end date of treatment. Treatment will be every three weeks. When I turn 30 next month, I will likely be bald. Probably won't have eyebrows. I don't want people staring at me, wondering what is wrong with me, pitying me because I am clearly sick. I don't want to look at myself in the mirror and pity myself. Shaving my head back in 8th grade seemed cool. Now, not so much.
This new chemo treatment will start next week. Hopefully on Tuesday, I'll know for sure tomorrow. I will receive two chemo drugs, Cisplatin and Taxol and another more novel drug called Avastin. I will get an IV infusion every three weeks. It will take about a week to recover from the treatment. I'll feel better the following week, then I'm back in for the next round. Our plan is to take advantage of the second week and take little mini trips, spend as much quality time as a family as we can. To not let this take over our lives. Life goes on, it has to go on and we have to make the most of it.
The hope of the doctors is that this chemo plan will treat the cancer in my lymph nodes and shrink the tumor. So no radiation. This is an aggressive plan, but I am healthy and I am strong and I will endure it as long as I need to in order to beat this. They will do an exam, possibly scans in 8 weeks and if the tumor is shrinking then we continue on that path. So we hope and pray and will that damn tumor to shrink all while we hope and pray and will those cancer cells to get the hell out of my lymph nodes!
We finally got our good news as well, although born out of bad news, it is good news. Unknown to us, the concern when they biopsied my neck was not that it would be positive to cancer cells, but that it would be positive for a different kind of cancer cell. The same kind as lung cancer, a very bad kind. But it wasn't. It was cervical cancer and this is good news!
Another HUGE bit of good news. Matt and his K9 Jake passed their certification today (I just found out and am so happy I had to share). Matt has been by my side for every crushing blow, for every bit of bad news. He has stayed strong, positive and was willing to set everything aside for me. I love him with all my heart and admire him for his hard word, dedication to his family, friends and job, his enormous heart, goofy ways. I love everything about him and wanted this for him more than he probably wanted it for himself. The Gill family needed a win and we got one today!
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